No One Has Their Sh*t Together (and That’s Okay)

Maz Miller
Oct 18
3 min read

If you’ve ever looked around and thought, “How does everyone else seem to have it all together except me?” — this one’s for you.

Because the truth is… no one has their sh*t together. Not your boss. Not the perfect mum at school pick-up. Not even the psychologist with a podcast.

We’re all figuring it out as we go — and that’s completely normal.

Why We Think Everyone Else Has It Together

As humans, we’re wired for social comparison. Long before social media, we compared our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. These days, it’s even easier to believe everyone else is thriving while we’re quietly falling apart.

But what’s really happening is a psychological phenomenon called impression management — we tend to show our highs and hide our lows. So when you see someone else’s success, you’re not seeing their chaos behind closed doors.

A 2011 study by Jordan and colleagues found that people consistently underestimate how often others feel negative emotions and overestimate how often they feel positive ones. In other words, you’re not the only one who feels messy — we just don’t talk about it.

Life Isn’t Meant to Be Perfect

Perfection feels safe because our brains link “perfect” with “in control.” We think if we do everything right, nothing will go wrong.But perfectionism doesn’t make us safe — it makes us rigid, exhausted, and disconnected.

Real life, like nature, has seasons. There’s growth and there’s rest. There’s summer and there’s winter. We’re not meant to be running at 100% all the time — our energy, mood, and capacity naturally fluctuate.

Some weeks, everything flows. Other weeks, the car breaks down, the kids get sick, and you’re eating cereal for dinner. That’s not failure. That’s life.

When we stop fighting the mess and start moving with our own rhythm, things begin to feel lighter.

The Invisible Load

Everyone you meet is juggling something you can’t see. The friend who looks calm may be holding back tears. The colleague who seems organised might be overwhelmed. Even psychologists and high-performing athletes — people who appear “put together” — are human.

We all have days when we feel strong, and days when we just don’t. The goal isn’t to fix that. It’s to accept it.

You don’t need a perfect routine; you need a helpful one.

Sometimes that means walking. Sometimes it means sitting in fresh air, drinking water, or doing one small task to shift your energy. Small, kind actions are far more powerful than self-criticism.

Start Where You Are

When life feels chaotic, don’t focus on what you can’t do — focus on what’s possible right now.

You might not make it to the gym five times a week, but you can stretch for five minutes. You might not cook the perfect dinner, but you can eat something nourishing. You might not meditate for an hour, but you can take three slow breaths.

It’s about meeting yourself where you are — and knowing you won’t stay there forever.

Remember: Nobody Has It All Together

Whether you’re a parent, a professional, or just a human trying to get through the week — nobody has their sh*t together all the time. And that’s okay.

We grow through the mess, not around it.We connect through the cracks, not the perfection.

So next time you catch yourself comparing your chaos to someone else’s calm, pause and remind yourself: you’re seeing their highlight reel, not their whole story.

Try This

If you’d like to explore this theme more deeply, download the free journaling worksheet for this episode inside the Walking Session Crew. You’ll find prompts to help you let go of comparison, embrace life’s rhythms, and feel grounded in being “together enough” for today.